Fly Read: I Kissed Dating Goodbye

12 Jun

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I refuse to let loneliness get the best of me. At times I feel like that scene in Peter Pan where he wrestles with his shadow, it’s like loneliness is trying to pin me down in a Miguel head lock. Loneliness is a human trait that everyone feels from time to time and sometimes loneliness can consume a person.

Honestly I gave up dating and I only seek to serve Christ. I often have associates try to get me to go online to look for a mate, Christian Mingle is the website people always suggest that I try. And while I don’t knock anyone who looks for love online, I can’t sell myself for the sake of being tired of being lonely. As a writer who spends all my time online, I’m already selling a brand but my heart is not for sale.

I used to work at a wine bar on the Upper East Side; it was an intimate restaurant that served great Italian food. This particular restaurant was a maven for singles on a blind date; most guests who walked in and were greeted by the host had no idea who they were looking for. I was always curious if the persons on a Match.com date really connected or was the connection based off of loneliness? Did they have similarities or was the similar feeling of loneliness enough to build a relationship on?

As I watched my big brother get married last Friday, I thought about my future and dating. Last Christmas my brother brought me a book entitled, I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Josh Harris. It’s a Christian book on dating the way Christ intended us to, the gist of the book is to be patient, embrace the period of being single, build healthy relationships and live to serve God. The author was very straightforward stating that he gave up dating to focus on God.

For me after a series of unfortunate events I realized that God is a better matchmaker than me. He knows what I need as opposed to what I think I want, so for the past two years I haven’t been on a date. The first year was easy as I spent the majority of the year reflecting on the mistakes and gathering the strength to forgive others and myself and I started to move forward. Now I realize that I cannot give everyone a piece of my heart, body and time. I know that God is still working on me and it’s not my time to start dating with intent, I should solely focus on serving Christ. To give up dating means that I had to reexamine my reasons for dating in the first place, most times I rushed into dating to fulfill my romantic needs (needs that only fulfill my selfish emotions and lust), instead of seeing the other as a friend in Christ.

You do know that some people are in hell for love. Some people are in a relationship that they have no business being in or in a marriage that they’re stuck in. Society has pushed this agenda of being single as such an awful period in one’s life when really God wants to use us the most when we’re single. It’s called a “season of singleness,” and one should embrace this precious time. “Season of singleness” is the time to exercise patience, obedience, discipline and to serve Christ. It’s the time to give him our undivided attention and to wait on his perfect timing. Waiting on his time will show you how many people will try to waste your time and you don’t want to waste God’s time. Just because a man talks to you on the phone for hours doesn’t mean that he’s interested in you, he could just be wasting more of your time than someone else’s.

The “season of singleness” will not be easy; I know it’s hard. I think I’m a fly girl who should be on a date every night but what would be the end goal? How can God bring me the correct man if I’m so busy being distracted by the wrong one? How can I serve God if I’m pursuing a man instead of him? This is the season to own your loneliness as it’s a natural human trait and once you take having a significant other out the equation, you’ll realize the significance of other relationships. You will also be able to realize the purpose that God has called for you. I often wonder where I would I be if I spent my time being concerned about the status of my relationship with some man. I would probably spend less time writing, attending Bible study, being active in church and walking into my purpose.

This summer as you watch others out on a date or post pictures of their engagement or attend the wedding of your best friend, don’t be envious. Embrace this time for all that is it worth; God has a plan for you. He is working things out in your favor; serve him with your whole heart as you wait on his time for his time is perfect and good.

Stay prayed up my friends.

XOXO,

Carla Thomas

** If you like my writing or think I need help with writing, Go Fund Me! http://www.gofundme.com/flycarla **

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Fly Read: The seriousness of one’s intent

11 Jun

A close friend of mine recently posted a quote from Anthony Bourdian that stated, “the journey is part of the experience- an expression of the seriousness of one’s intent. One doesn’t take the A train to Mecca.” This quote really resonated with me because my intent of studying writing and than traveling to Africa to teach writing is very serious.

The objective of this educational/missionary trip is to learn as much as possible so that I can give as best as possible.  The course at Yale University will help me revise my pilot television script and the course at the University of Cambridge will assist in the finishing of my fiction book for teenage girls. With both projects I am looking to re-shift the perception of Black girls and Black women via the media, I am developing projects that will showcase the full-dimension of Black teenage girls and Black women.

There is a problem in the media where it seems that networks are keen on showcasing Black women in one dimension, a dimension that strips the soul and the deep rooted history of African American women by showing only superficial, overtly sexually, and angry Black women. Black women are the capstone of American history and argumentatively the strongest persons of mankind. The strength and the depth and the pride of being unashamedly and apologetically Black needs to be displayed in the media and I am hoping to showcase the aforementioned.

I am specifically hoping to reach teenage Black girls from the ages 12-18 with my fictional book series starting with the first book tentatively titled, The Fly Girl Guide To The 6th Grade. This book which I am currently on the third chapter of is a division of my online website, The Fly Girl Guide (www.theflygirlguide.com). It will serve as an alternative look at middle school and high school in the eyes of a young girl who is seeking to navigate middle school and high school with an independent thought and with style and grace.

My television script has a similar concept showcasing a Black professional woman living and thriving in Brooklyn, New York. What Living Single showcased in the 90’s, I am looking to reinvent with a new aged twist. Black women are spiritual, funny, educated and married and I am hoping to show a narcissistic generation who loves bathroom pictures and relishes in all that is ratchet that being a lady will never go out of style.

This campaign is bigger than me; it’s for the moms who have to explain to their daughters that she shouldn’t aspire to be just a basketball wife, it’s for the aunties who have to explain that Kim Kardashian isn’t a role model, it’s the for the teachers who have to discuss why Michelle Obama is an inspiration as opposed to a pop star.

My intent is to make sure the media takes Black girls and women serious as not all of us are trying to put on a minstrel show. We are mothers, wives, friends and we are fly.

I’m not asking you to go broke, I just ask for a little support to help with a big cause.

http://www.gofundme.com/flycarla

Fly Read: Happy Hump Day!

5 Jun

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For the past year and a half- hump day was my mid-week worship day. No matter what else I had going on in New York I made it my goal to attend Bible study; whether it was the noonday Bible study or the evening Bible study, I made sure that I attended either class.

Not a lot of people knew that I spent my Wednesday afternoons in church because most of the time as I would walk towards church, I wanted to tweet, “off to Bible study” but I would decide against it because of my fear of sounding uncool. There are times when I talk to friends or co-workers that I shy away from talking about God as if being a God-fearing woman makes me look corny.

But then I have to tell myself that there is nothing shameful about being a woman of God. Being a God-fearing woman means that I will suffer persecution and others won’t want to hear what I’m saying but I will keep writing about Christ, updating my status and quoting scriptures because my spreading the gospel is not in vain.

As I went to my last Bible study in Brooklyn last Wednesday (I moved back home to make Baltimore my base as I travel for the next seven months) the Pastor talked about how Christians tip-toe around the world. Not in a sense of being ashamed to spread the gospel but when trying to be Christ-like Christians practice a restraint that non-believers do not. As a Christian who strives to be Christ-like every day, I practice guarding my heart, loving my neighbor, loving my friends and enemies, being patient and watching what I say and do. It’s a conscience effort to in short- just be a nice person who genuinely cares about others.

Some people are showing you exactly who they are. Some people are showing you that they don’t care about you, they are showing you their selfishness, they are showing you that they are a thief, that they only love conditionally and they just might not be a kindhearted person. Our goal when seeking to live Christ-like is to not judge them but to BELIEVE them. Believe that friend who doesn’t value your time, believe that boyfriend who you just can’t figure out what his deal is or that girlfriend who values her Louboutins more than herself respect. They are showing you who they are; your goal is to show yourself approved to God.

Regardless of the world around you, as a Christian you are supposed to be hope in the mist of rubble. There is nothing shameful in spreading the gospel, being nice and being kindhearted. Continue to practice the restraint and the discipline that God asks of us, it’s not going to be easy and others will call you “fake” as you “tip-top” with a gentleness that they can’t understand. Honestly, as you follow Christ by reading the Bible, studying his word and fellowshipping with others in Christ, you are as real as it gets because HE is real.

Stay prayed up my friends.

XOXO,

Carla Thomas

** If you like my writing or think I need help with writing, Go Fund Me! http://www.gofundme.com/flycarla **

Fly Read: All The Sh*t I Don’t Like About Chief Keef

28 May

 

Chief-Keef-Katy-Perry

It must be the end of days when a non-talented 17-year-old baby daddy has a record deal and makes more money than most college graduates. With the recent Twitter confrontation between Chief Keef and Katy Perry, what Charles Ramsey said was true a white woman will only run into the arms of a black man when she is in trouble other than that she runs the other way. Here Katy Perry tweets her dislike of Chief Keef’s “I Hate Being Sober” track via Twitter and Chief Keef responds with a threat causing Kate Perry to retract her statement and apologize.

Now I am all for white girls apologizing to brothers but in this case how come no one has the balls to stand up to a punk 17-year-old? I mean here’s a guy who cried when he found out he had to go to juvie. I know chicks who took their weed charge and sentencing like a real G and this guy has guns in his videos and was afraid to go to jail; he was terrified of the same lifestyle that he promotes.

Somehow adults have become so scared of children that a person can’t even stand by a 140 character tweet. It’s not even just with Chief Keef but it’s a trend of adults being blatantly disrespected by some youngster than having no gull to stand up to the said child. Where do they do that at? Where is the village to help raise these children? In the case of Chief Keef, I’m not retracting my top ten reasons of what I don’t like about him.

Sh*t I Don’t Like About Chief Keef:

1. Unkempt locs is the sh*t I don’t like.

2. Black ashy lips from smoking too much weed is the sh*t I don’t like.

3. Jail tattoos on a bird chest is the sh*t I don’t like.

4. A group of shirtless bird-chested negros in a room with no girls is the gay shi*t I don’t like.

5. Shooting a music video in a house with no furniture is the sh*t I don’t like.

6. Getting a middle schooler knocked up and going to court for not paying child support at 17 is the sh*t I don’t like.

7. Missing a music video shoot with 50 Cent and Wiz Khalifa because you were getting high is the sh*t I don’t like.

8. High profile rappers remixing your tracks making you richer and more popular than other truly talented rappers is the sh*t I don’t like.

9. Disrespecting my favorite Cali girl Kate Perry is the sh*t I don’t like.

10. Having me write this article and then ask my homeboy if he thinks I will be safe if I post this story is the irony and sh*t I don’t like.

 

Don’t be scared of Chief Keef be scared of what he represents, he represents a selfish generation that doesn’t care about consequences, understand the importance of education or value life. The fact that he has a record deal shows the music industry’s mission to make a profit by any means necessary. They have given this guy a platform to showcase his ignorance when at most his videos and music should only be circulated within his groups of friends. Let’s not be afraid to fight against the deconstruction of our youth, we must stand for something or we’ll fall for Chief Keef.

Fly Read: #NP Kelis’ “Protect My Heart”

24 May

 

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One of my favorite singers Kelis just joined Instagram as SausageandBoots and as I was scrolling through her pictures, a song from her album, Tasty popped up in my head. Tasty was such a dope album and Kelis was always ahead of her time. You think Rihanna has girls copping her style? I remember interning in New York the summer of 2006 when Kelis’ I am Kelis album came out,  she had every girl in NY shaving half their head. That trend was all Kelis. She was the orginal good girl gone bad without the abusive boyfriend drama.

  “Protect My Heart” off of Tasty came to me because asking God to guard my heart is something that I frevently pray about. Guarding your heart is something that only God can do and it requires daily conversations with him. As a woman we have to be active, vigliant and careful about how much of our heart we give to a man. Some men are nothing but wolves in sheep’s clothing and if we aren’t asking God to guard our hearts than it is easier than one might think to get caught with a nasty wolf. You won’t think he’s a wolf because he’ll be dressed so nicely, he’ll have tons of swag, he will say everything you’ve been wanting to hear but there will be something off with him. Something that you just can’t pinpoint, something that even your friends can’t see and that’s when God is stepping in and telling you to step back.  

We all have the gift of discernment we just have to really be close to God to truly ultize it. When dating guys be prayfully of what, when and how much of yourself you give away. When you’re a single woman your main priority is to give your whole heart to God. Your heart should be so lost in God that a man must seek him in order to find you.  And don’t fret if a man isn’t currently pursuing you because Jesus is constantly pursuing you.  

Have a blessed weekend my friends. 

**I’m currently raising money for a great missionary trip around the world, The Fly Girl Goes Global (www.gofundme.com/flycarla). If you’re a fan of my writings than please check out the traveling and writing journey that I’m about to embark on starting next month. Your support would mean so much to me! **

XOXO  

Carla Thomas

Writer and Fly Girl

Fly Read: Don’t Settle For Good Enough

23 May

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How long will you go about your life without identifying your purpose? If you believe that life is nothing more than a social experiment then coast on, but don’t continue to take others on your purposeless journey. And sir, a wife is referred to as a “helpmeet.” You don’t need help if you aren’t doing anything. Life is more than just waking up, going to a job, hanging out on occasion, and going home to sleep and eat. You’ve been given a commission to fulfill, and it’s one that cannot be ignored. Don’t fear the adventure and passion that goes along with pursing a goal that goes beyond you and your lifetime. Clearly identify your part to play in this commission we’ve been given, and firmly commit to it! End the games, and exit the maze of mediocrity you’ve come to know.- Written by Cornelius Lindsey

I’m raising money for a great missionary trip and I would love your support! Check out my The Fly Girl Goes Global campaign, www.gofundeme.com/flycarla .

Fly Read: Like Beyonce, I’m a GROWN WOMAN

21 May
Beyonce just released her “Grown Woman” song and as I’m listening to the song I think of all the grown woman decisions I am currently making. I’ve made a decision to leave a city that I love to create the life I wish to live. I’ve decided to pack up everything, station myself in Baltimore and use the next seven months to travel and write. This is void of others expectations, void of what some of my friends think I should be doing, and void of what my parent’s believe I should be doing. To me being a grown woman is having an independent thought, an independent thought is a thought that a woman makes without the influence of others, the media and pop culture.

A grown woman knows that not everyone is rooting for her, a grown woman knows that some of the people close to her will doubt her and while there will be MORE obstacles stepping out of her comfort zone, it will be well worth it. A grown woman knows there is nothing cute about playing it safe or playing small for the sake of others, she knows that there is nothing fulfilling about not seeking to be fulfilled. A grown woman knows that if it is in God’s will and she is abiding in Him, that the possibilities are endless.

Some women are walking around grown in age but still mentally and spiritually little girls. As for me, I’m getting my grown woman on.

www.gofundme.com/flycarla

Fly Read: Nothing’s More Attractive Than A Heavy Praying Woman

20 May

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“Nothing’s more attractive than a heavy praying woman
To a him when those and them been defecating on me.
Her would sense the heaven, and him when Andre omen
Baby I’m hell, save me, don’t bail…”- Andre 3000

3 Stacks said it best. As I am learning The Word, I have never felt any prettier. As I am starting to understand the instructions to live Christ like, I have more confidence, I’m more secure and I just feel really good. Living as a Christian gives me an inner beauty that no makeup could accentuate. It’s an inner beauty of knowing that if you give yourself away and let God live through you; you’re getting nothing less than the best.  God’s blessings are better than any human desires and they come by the way of faith and prayer.

Praying is the direct communication to God and it is vital for one’s faith and well-being. God instructs us to tell him everything and to pray with thanksgiving and petition. It’s not a cliché when someone says that prayer changes things! It’s true! God wants to bless you but he also wants you to acknowledge him and pray for exactly what you want. To serve God, you must humble yourself, give thanks, ask specifically for what you seek and then truly believe that your blessings will come.

It’s hard to believe what we can’t see but the blessings are worth it. Last year, I was praying for a new apartment. I loved my first apartment in New York and at first it was a blessing. I needed a place to stay, a friend hooked me up and I had my own little slice of Heaven in Bed-Stuy but within the last year, I was in dire need of a new apartment. My slice of Heaven turned into a hot mess, I was dealing with a slum lord, living without heat and hot water throughout winter all while trying to be a fly girl. I had no gas in my apartment for months because my landlord had me servicing the entire building with gas and it took ConEd months to figure out the problem and restore my gas. Unbeknown to most, I was attending Jay-Z parties and New York Fashion Week while showering at a friend’s house but even in the mist of my trails, God was still working. I then spent all of spring and summer battling my landlord in court; I was not paying rent for unsavory living conditions. I then was not only praying for a new apartment but while in my situation of going to landlord-tenant court I was praying for God to step in as a lawyer.

I battled it out with my landlord for eight months! The attorneys for my landlord had no idea that they were up against a young Howard University graduate with Jesus as her lawyer. Right before court, I would get down on my knees and ask God to step in as lawyer and once I went to court, I barely had to say anything. The landlord’s attorneys would put their foot in their mouths, God was working! Months past and I finally saw that my battle with my landlord wasn’t going anywhere. It was time for me to move, I wasn’t sad, God had seen me through months of tenant court with no lawyer so I knew he was setting me up with a new apartment. I left my apartment with no clear direction of what was next, I just packed my belongings up, stayed with a friend, continued on to work, continued to pray and exactly one week from the time I had moved out, I was approved for an apartment that I was interested in. It was a blessing! I had no idea the outcome, all I knew was that I had to step out on faith, continue to pray and believe.  God works! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. He is ever so present and He is with us at every step. It’s not a myth or a fairytale, He is real! He is still present in your current circumstance- YOU ARE NOT ALONE in whatever you are going through.

Being a woman who faithfully prays is like a man finding a wife, it’s a good thing. I don’t just pray at night, I set my alarm at 6:00AM to pray in the morning because Psalm 5:3 (KJV) states, “My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O Lord ; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.” Praying in the morning gives me the sense of protection and strength to get through the day. I ask God to see me to through my work shift, to protect me on the train, to guard me heart and thoughts and to protect my family and friends as they go about their day. I pray that God keeps me safe and sane because I could lose my mind at any given time! I could lose hope and once you’ve lost hope, you have lost everything.  Praying puts everything in prospective and it gets us through the tough times. What if we prayed just as much as we complained?  And even though I’m not here for my enemies, I pray for them the most.

Being a woman who prays through her situation is attractive; being a woman who knows that there is a higher power breathing in her direction is way more beautiful than any makeup contouring. As the work week gets underway, remember to pray your way through it. Pray for your coworkers, pray for your family, pray for your friends, pray for your foes and God will see you through it.

 

Stay prayed up my friends.

 

XOXO,

Carla Thomas

Writer and Fly Girl

www.gofundme.com/flycarla

 

 

The Fly Girl Goes Global!

18 May

carla

Beloved:

You never know how God will use you or where he can take you, it’s through prayer and conversations and lining up your will with His that one can see that the possibilities are endless. I was listening to my Mary Mary station on Pandora and this one song just caught my heart, it was Israel & New Breed’s, “Take the Limits off/No Limits (Enlarge My Territory)” and as I was listening to the lyrics of the song, I realized that this particular song was a reflection of what I have been praying for.

In the past couple of months, I realized that although I LOVE New York City I need to take a step back from the city life to focus on my craft and do even greater things than slinging pasta at an Italian restaurant while sometimes writing. My website The Fly Girl Guide is flourishing but I kept saying to myself, how much better or bigger would the FGG be if I solely focused on my writing? I also have tons of other writing ideas that are lodged in my head waiting to come out but haven’t because I have not been able to correctly prioritized my time between trying to survive in New York City and finding time to write.

After this realization, I started applying for writing programs that will force me to focus and to actually write in a collegiate setting. I was recently accepted in Yale University’s Writing Conference which will take place in June. For an intensive weekend in June, I will focus on revising my script for a pilot TV show (think 2013 Living Single). Once accepted in the program at Yale, I proved which I knew to be true, I can write, I just need to light a fire under my butt to make it happen.

I then decided that I needed to go further with my writing so I applied for a creative writing program at the University of Cambridge in Cambridge, England. Thanks be to God, I was also accepted into the University of Cambridge’s writing program. I will spend three weeks in late July working on my fiction book geared towards teenage girls (I am already on chapter three!) with esteemed professors and other writers.

Now after having been accepted into two great programs, I said to myself besides writing for my own personal gain what else is next? I then decided to take my skills of writing and editing to Africa to help with a start-up school in Tanzania. I am prayerfully traveling to Shinyanga, Tanzania in November to help with the recently opened Anna Schubert Preschool of Shinyanga. The goal of The Anna Schubert Preschool of Shinyanga is to teach the Shinyanga children English, give them exposure to books, reading and writing with an aim to expand their minds from an early age. I am excited to be a part of such a wonderful endeavor that will be extremely beneficial to the development of young children of Tanzania.

I have a lot going on! But these are all faith based trips, I am praying for an increase and for God to enlarge my territory meaning I am writing with a purpose and then using my writing skills to help educate others. I am looking to show young Black girls that it is possible to follow your dreams and to do so with style and grace. I would love for all my friends and family to help me go on this great mission trip around the world. From Yale University to the University of Cambridge in England to Tanzania, Africa, I am seeking donations to help take me GOLBAL!

Your support will help me cover the expenses associated with my traveling, including:

-The University of Cambridge tuition costs, accommodation and fees
-Roundtrip airfare to and from the United Kingdom
-Roundtrip airfare to and from Tanzania, Africa
-Room & Board in Tanzania
-All Necessary Vaccinations

Thank you in advance! I also accept well wishes and safe travel prayers! Remember God loves you like crazy!

Peace & Blessings,
Carla Thomas better known as Fly Carla

P.S. Of course, I will blog about my travels and experiences abroad!

Fly Fashion: 10 Non- Clothing Items Every Fly Girl Should Own

28 Mar

As a fly girl, you must think outside of the box and your closet. Being fly means you pay attention to the little details that make you stand out from the crowd, it’s the added thought to the small things that shows you truly have style.

gym
1. Gym membership– You have a closet full of clothes, you might as well look your best in them. Keep that figure tight!

2. Flask– Because girls with class don’t need a glass.

  Kate Spade New York Pop Art Check Umbrella


Kate Spade New York
Pop Art Check Umbrella

3. Umbrella– Face the bad weather with style.

josephine baker

4. Tool Box– Hang your own Warhol with pink tools.

5. Wine Glasses– Red wine deserves a red wine glass and white wine deserves a white glass. You’re grown; you should know the difference and have proper glassware for every occasion.

Shoes Stationery from Paper Source

Shoes Stationery from Paper Source

6. Stationary– Send sweet nothings or say thank you with your own personalized stationary. In an era of Facebook and email, something personal goes a long way.

7. Pen– Ditch the BIC and invest in a good pen.

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8. iPhone– Sorry folks, you get judged by your phone so upgrade now. I mean, there are twelve-year-olds who own one, so you should too.

9. Sewing kit– Every fly girl should know how to sew on a button or fix a small tear, save your money and do-it- yourself.

Shark Press and Refresh Garment Steamer

Shark Press and Refresh Garment Steamer

10. Steamer– For those impromptu events when you need to be on your cocktail dress sh*t but don’t have time to take it the cleaners. A garment cleaner will have your dress party ready in no time.